February Summary

HEYYYY GUUUYYYSSSSS!! *Dinatokio style*

Sooo, I'm a few days late (again) but what does it matter? Nobody is on the edge of their seats waiting for me to put my very interesting summary of my very interesting month, right?

Anyways, let's start this off, shall we?!

To be honest I don't have many to share of my previous month (shocker) I was busy in a very weird way, I mean.. I don't have to go to school or work but I was just.. busy! I couldn't even finish my fifth watch of The Office before the month ended!

And yes. The fifth watch. I started rewatching right after I finished my rewatch that I started in January.
Which led me to google 'John Krasinski' (Just like I said I would do) but I've already watched 80% of his work. Except the movie 'Away We Go' which was really good. Beautiful movie.

I also watched Moana. TWICE. It's really good, really funny, so beautiful, Lin-Manuel's music is everything I need for my heart. I've been listening to the OST on a daily basis since I first watched it. And my family loves it as well. We sing along on the rides back home and it's just.. UGGGHHHHSSOOOOOGGGGOOOOD (yes. even the ones that are not in a language I understand) I guess that makes Moana's OST my favorite album of the month!
I finally sat down and watched Fantastic Beasts, which is a work of art. I miss the Wizarding World of J.K, Rowling and this movie gave me all the feels in the heart and the brain.
Edge Of Seventeen was just.. BLUGH. I can't understand how this Hailee Steinfeld girl ended up in a movie where she's the lead character and Woody Harrelson plays a secondary role.
Mom made me watch a Korean movie about zombies. Train To Busan Way to go mom! (It was actually better than all the American zombie movies I have ever watched combined. P.S: I only watched World War Z, which I hated.)

One of my favorite shows, The Good Wife, has recently gotten a spin-off: 'The Good Fight'. Only two episodes are out, but God I love me some Luka and Diane and some lawyers drama. I really love that they took a different direction than Alicia and her story, which ended miserably in the original series finale last year.

As for books, I honestly haven't been reading much, and am still on the same book I started at the end of January. I hope to finish it in a week or two. It's not difficult of long, I'm just a slow lazy reader.

I wish I can make a bigger list next month, but really who am I kidding?

January Summary

Hey guys!

So I'm starting this new thing where I write a post at the end of every month about books,movies, tv shows and all that shit that interested me each month.

Let's start with January!

This month was the Channing Tatum month. I fell in love with the guy and watched a lot of his movies! Like it happened with many, many actors before him.

Here are the movies I watched:

1. What If : A great movie starring Daniel Radcliffe and Zoe Kazan. It's one o these movies where everything is quiet and beautiful and you're just amazed by everything. Totally recommend.
2. Blended: Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. Drew is not a very good actress, nor is most of the kids. Meh.
3. Just Go With It: Another Adam Sandler movie, but this ti,e with Jennifer Aniston. It's funny at the beginning but then it gets boring and similar to any other rom com.
4. Magic Mike: Here were it started with The Tatum. I loved the movie for three reasons: 1) Channing is such an amazing dancer you won't be able to take off your eyes no matter what your sexual preferences are 2) It's actually a great story 3) Matt Fucking Bomer.
5. Magic Mike XXL: It is so good, more funny material than the first one, Loved it for the same reasons listed above.
6. 21 Jump Street: Now THIS is a really funny movie. Starring Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill. It gave me a great laugh and the chemistry between the actors was amazing! Totally rewatchable.
7. The Girl On The Train: Starring my queen Emily Blunt. I was so looking forward to seeing this movie and it was worth it. Amazing and surprising.
8. 22 Jump Street: I laughed a lot. It was just good from the first 15 minute and it just made me laugh so much and that is why I consider it - and 21 Jump Street- as the greatest comedy movie I've ever seen since The Heat.
9. Dear John: Great romance by Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried. It made me cry a little. I don't like romantic movies so much but I LOOOOVVVVE romantic movies that make me cry.
10. White House Down: Starring Channing Tatum and Jamie Fox. It's kinda cool!
11. Foxcatcher: One of the greatest movies I watched during the month. Steve Carell, Channing Tatum and Mark Ruffalo were AMAZING.
12. Max: I watched this on the plain because the trailer said that someone who worked on Marley And Me worked on this too, but sadly it was not as good.
13. Saving Mr. Banks: It was my father's recommendation. A great film based on a good story played by Tom Hanks and Emma Thompson.
14. The Return Of Xander Cage: Don't waste your time or money on this movie. Don't be a fool like the people before you (me).


As for the books, I finished reading a book called عن التعصب (translated to: about fanaticism) by Mohammed Al-Ghazaly. It's a small book that talks about religious intolerance in three religions.
Also started reading a novel called If I stay, which I have no idea what it is genuinely about, but I'm getting there.

I haven't watch a lot of tv lately, only starting rewatching The Office for the forth time because I deserve some laugh but also because I love hurting myself in the heart. Please look forward to The John Krasinski month that happens to be called February too.
EDIT: I watched SKAM! YES! 3 seasons in less than a week and GOD I neeeeeed the 4th season already!!!!

Hopefully this time next month, I'll have already received my bachelor degree certificate!

Farewell 2016

It has been brutal.

This year was the most unkind, vile, painful year of my life (and I thought nothing would top 2012).

I experienced emotions and stress I have never been through, I faced things and situations that were so new to me.

The most significant difference for me this year, is that I can name the feelings I experience, I know it's "grief" when I grieve, I know it's "anger" when my head boils, I know when it's "pride" or "sympathy" or "love"

I recognize my anxiety, my fears, my trust issues and my lines and walls.

Every time that I come to term with myself regarding how I feel and thing and react to things it's like a wrecking ball shattering every wall I built around myself to protect me from other people, and from myself. And although the realization may have been shocking sometimes, it gives my a little closure, pushes me a little further in the journey of discovering myself. I have lived 21 years in a shell where I didn't even know myself or what I liked or what I feared, what I want and what I need to know. Each time something clears up to I get this feeling of acceptance.

There's nothing worse than living without knowing who you are, or hating who you are without even knowing yourself. I am the most imperfect being I've ever known, and this is the most cliche thing I've ever written, but I accept myself now, I accept my imperfections, I can point out to where there's gotta be some fixing and improvement and where I should stand for and embrace.

I am thankful to this year for giving me that, for the wisdom that it gave me and helped me make things clear. I am not less depressed or scared or anxious than I was at the start of 2016, but I AM aware of all of these thoughts and I KNOW that I need to get over things.

To be honest, I'm not an optimistic person, like, AT ALL. Not pessimistic, but not optimistic either. But the thing is, between the darkness and the hiding that I do in my brain, there's a little glow of "wants", things I really really desire, and determine to achieve, and for the sake of not turning into a cocoon, I'll do what I can to make them tangible.

What did I do in 2016?

Well, I did NOT hit my 100 movies goal, I did NOT read 10 books, and I for sure did NOT lose weight.

I did though read over 5 books, which is more than last year (I am a very slow reader and force myself to read sometimes). I watched 85 movies even though I barely had time through this hectic graduation semester, I managed to never get less than Bs in all of my courses (which is heyyyy, I'm almost done with college too!), I had a major improvement in my art, I started receiving money in exchange for my crafts and hand-made things, and I'm finally, fully and truly over the people I tried so hard to forget about for 4 years.

Yes, it was a bad year, The WORST Year, but I'm glad to be a better person than I was last year, and all the years before. I hope everyone did, despite all the badness that's occurs in the world right this minute. May 2017 be our best year ever.

Grieving Grimmie

Hey guys..

So last Saturday I woke up to the news that Christina Grimmie got shot at a meet & greet after her concert, I was still in bed casually checking my phone under the cover, and the news got me from sleepy to terrified in no time, I seriously started trembling while trying to find more about the incident and praying that she'll be okay..

I prayed, but I knew, especially when I read that there were at least 3 shots, I knew it's impossible, still, I prayed for a miracle, I prayed that she'l pull a Malala somehow and just get up safe and sound, but I knew..

I was crying, tears just streaming down my face. I got up, went to the bathroom to wash my face, went back to bed and just stayed there, waiting for the next news to hit me. And it did, they announced the news and I started crying even more, my heart hurt so much, and more than anything, I wanted to close my eyes and go back to sleep and wake up to that all being a big fat ugly nightmare, but it wasn't..

About an hour later I got up and left the room and started looking for stand-up comedians and funny You-Tube videos to watch because I wasn't crying anymore, but I was sad, and I needed something to lift my mood up because I had the idea that, I didn't know Christina, she was just a famous singer that lived oceans away and never knew I existed, why should I get sad more than that? But the day went on, I laughed at so many videos, but whenever I was done with one I would remember her and my head starts to hurt so I go to watch another one, all day long.

My sisters were devastated when I told them the news, Sister #1 decided that she's going to pretend that it's all a lie and watch tv shows because she can't get Christina's voice singing 'Titanium' from her head, Sister #2 cried a little, mom was sad, and I was still not sure of what to think. My mom kept asking me why I was off and down that day and I answered her every time with 'I don't know' or 'nothing'. I was sad the whole day for 3 days.

I remember years ago when Sister #1 told me to check out that girl's cover songs on You-Tube, and how she's cool and her voice is a killer, I remember years later when I was looking at my You-Tube feed and saw the name 'Christina Grimmie' and the words 'Audition' and 'The Voice' on a video title and I freaked the hell out, I remember when me, my mom and my sisters watched that season of The Voice together on tv and were rooting for her, and how she went to far to be my favorite team's (AKA Team Adam) represent and final player and thinking that if I knew her we'd be really good friends. I remember feeling happy and proud for her when she started doing more shows, I remember that I unfollowed every damn account that don't stop retweeting instead of hers for some reason I don't know, I remember seeing her face with a fan on my Twitter timeline just a day before this..

I never knew how grief felt, I never experienced loss that left me sad for three days other than when my little kitten died. Christina was my age, she was a hard worker, she was always happy and smiling and nice and kind and funny, and that's based on what I saw from behind the screen, which is what her friends has said also about her. It hurt me because how could someone do something so vile to such an innocent girl like her, how evil can someone be to take a life of such pure girl that never hurt anyone, that always wore a smile whenever she goes, and I never understood, I never will. I guess that's part of the reason why I still can't stand hearing her voice or watching videos of her, I avoided retweeting anything about the incident. My eyes still tear up every time I think about never seeing her again or never listening to new music from her. I still can't make her a memory. 

It may all seem silly. No, I know for I fact that it all seem silly, how much I mourned a person I never really knew or met, and wasn't on track with everything she did, but someone told me it's because of how she made me feel, and that's right. I know one day I'm gonna have to move on and accept the fact that I refuse to write down in this post, I know that one day I'm gonna download all her songs and watch all her videos and remember her and smile, right now it's just too sad and raw for me to do that.

100 Movie In 2016

So my dear friends Vicky and Julia suggested the idea that we try to finish watching 100 movies in the current year.

And because I like being productive hobby-wise, I'm going to participate and list the movies I have been watching this year.


P.S: This blog will be updated every once in a while or after every movie I watch

1. The Heat
2. The Intouchables
3. Rush
4. In The Heart of The Sea
5. Brooklyn
6. Eddie The Eagle
7. Me Before You
8. If Cats Disappeared From The World
9. The Theory of Everything
10. Star Trek: Beyond
11. 13 Hours
12. The English Patient
13. The Judge 
14. The Help
15. Deadpool
16. The Hollars
17. Blue Jay
18. It's Complicated
19. Room
20. The Dark Knight
21. Ghostbusters
22. Captain America: Civil War
23. Freedom Song
24. Café Society
25. The Artist
26. Finding Dory
27. The Jungle Book
28. The Secret Life of Pets
29. Bajrangi Bhaijaan
30. Captain Fantastic
31. Don't Breathe
32. Suicide Squad
33. The Pursuit of Happiness
34. Mother's Day
35. Crazy, Stupid Love
36. Aloha
37. Into The Woods
38. Bad Moms
39. When Harry Met Sally
40. My Name Is Khan
41. The Magnificent Seven
42. Water For The Elephant
43. Indignation
44. The Danish Girl
45. 17 Again
46. St. Vincent 
47. Naomi And Eli's No Kiss List
48. Promised Land
49. Iron Man
50. Iron Man 2
51. Inside Man
52. Mike And Dave Need Wedding Dates
53. I Love You, Man
54. Central Intelligence 
55. Indignation
56. Kubo And The Two Strings
57. Nerve
58. Grown Ups 2
59. Grown Ups
60. The Purge 3
61. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai
62. The Legend of Tarzan
63. Last Holiday
64. The Big Short
65. Dope
66. Sisters
67. Cake
68. Midnight Special
69. Kingslave: Final Fantasy XV
70. Horrible Bosses 
71. Iron Man 3
72. Burnt
73. Don't Think Twice
74. Legally Blonde
75. My Bloody Valentine's
76. Sausage Party
77. Pete's Dragon
78. Tiny Furniture 
79. Ed
80. Horrible Bosses 2
81. Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part.2
82. Kick
83. Cellular
84. Love and Friendship
85. Mechanic: Resurrection

Fan Fic

Years ago, when I was deeply and madly in love with Harry Potter I discovered the world of fan fiction, where people write stories based on known characters or people. I read a lot of them back then, and it gave me such joy to write some of my own!
And when I was active in J-pop idol group NEWS fandom, I started reading fics too about my favorite Japanese people, and to be honest, they were all Massu/Tegoshi because I was a hardcore biased fan to the pairs I love, and still am. And I also had a 80+ pages document of short Tegomass fics I have written myself which I accidentally shift+delete it while getting rid of my old school stuff, and I still cry over it till this day.

In this post I will recommend some of the Massu/Tegoshi fics that I found after years of reading them, also some Supernatural ones because that's the hole I'm in right now and I don't thing I'll be out. They're a mix between AU/Non AU and PG-13/PG-17

This a judgement-free zone. So if you're gonna judge my kinks and my taste, get out of here.


Tegomass:

Que Sera, Sera
Baby, You're A Classic
Tender Red  (I cried at chapter 6. Yes I remember which chapter. That was the first time I cry reading a fic)
Family Portrait
Hope And Pain
Beautiful World



Supernatural:

My Wrong Turn At Albuquerque

Childish Belief 

Walking After You

Come For You
The Wound
The Darkest Hour
Did You Lock The Door When It Shut? Did You See The Knife When It Cut?
The Boys Who Didn't Fly
Devils In The Details



Supernatural RPF:

Threesome Verse
Crash Into Me
Slick
Happy Valentine's Day, Mr. Ackles 
Straight To The Point
Whisky River, You're All I've Got


I DO have more faves, but because I'm an idiot I forget to save the links. I'll keep updating this post if I find anything I like.

This Post is Offensive

     Sometimes when I watch YouTube videos about, let's say, people playing "Heads Up" and the category is, let's say again, accents, I find that these people apologize for their viewers because some of them will be (offended) by their pronunciation. At first I'm like, okay, they're being too considerate, but alright. But then more people, and more videos I keep hearing apologies for people who were offended by very very, very simple things, and viewers in the comment section are expressing their (gratitude) over their (consideration) of other people, in words like "Thank you Josh, we forgive you". And that pissed me off.
     I don't know if it's a recent thing or it's been going for so long and I was oblivious about it, but people everywhere started to pick a hobby of being offended over everything. And in other words, they can't take a joke. So I decided to write a letter for them, just to give them a little peak of how the rest of us feel. Oh wait, some of us, not the rest of us ALL, because.. that's offensive, right?



Dear overly sensitive person,

You can't take a joke.
You being offended does not mean by any explanation in the whole dictionary of explanations that what I said discriminated you, that you were humiliated till it turned your soul to ashes and the wind blew it with the dust.
You being offended does not always mean you get rights. It does not mean that I have to apologize to you every time your fragile being was hurt by me calling hair messy, or your car dirty, or your favorite singer annoying.
You being offended means that you should stop taking every single thing personally.

Now I'm not saying that (actual) offensive jokes are okay, no they're not. But you should use your brain to see what's (actually) offensive and what's not.

As the comedian Steve Hughes says: "Being offended is subjective, has everything to do with you as an individual, or a collective, or a group, or a society, or a community, your moral conditioning, your religious beliefs" and still, it does not mean that whatever I say about what you consider yourself a part of, or what represents you, is offensive, there are limits that can't be crossed, what above these limits you can either let go or laugh along about.


Dear overly sensitive person,

You can't be offended if I hate your favorite football team, or when I say that your favorite actor can't act, or that your cooking is a bit too salty. If that's offensive, then I'm offended with your duck face every time you take a picture for God's sake!

What are you going to do when I say I don't like Beyoncé? Huh? You're gonna cry? Call the cops? Pray that her halo won't fade away? (I like that song tho). And what will happen to you when I do say that? Nothing. Exactly nothing. You'll tell me "I'm offended by that" and ask me to be (respectful) and then the next morning you're shouting at the barista why didn't he give you two packs of sugar instead of one.

I'm not offensive, my dear friend. I don't have to be more considerate about your feelings for something like that, and I surely as hell don't have to apologize, because I won't. But you need to learn that sometimes that you're being an idiot, a child, you want everyone to rub on your back and smile at you and give you their best wished that you beat Oxide Ride in Crash Bash (That's the only game I know. Stop judging), or they're nothing but horrible, awful, evil people. You need to learn how to laugh when something funny is told, and learn that not just because it's a joke about that topic, it's offensive. Grow up. Let it go, and don't start singing that song or I swear to God..


Dear overly sensitive person, 

If what I said above clicked something in you, made you rethink about things you got upset about when you shouldn't have, you're going in the right direction, and one day you'll look back at your old self and feel accomplished. If you think I'm mean and that I'm wrong with being really upset about people like you, well, I warned you in the title, and I wish you a long life filled with people lying to your face so that you won't be hurt. I wish you success in writing your book of things that offend you. I wish you a record filled with law suits you filed against people who offended you, and law suits people filed against you because they were offended when you filed law suit against them for being offensive. 

I wish this letter offended you.



Sincerely,
Duaa